My Life Story
Later Life and Retirement
2006 was quite an eventful year. Debbie and Ewen became engaged in January; they surprised us with the news when we were washing the car! Gill and Tom married in August in the Norman parish church in Birling. It was a lovely wedding! Gill and her dad were able to walk to the church. The reception was held in Bradbourne House on the East Malling Research station where Peter had worked. We had lived in a house on the research station when we first moved to Kent, and Debbie spent her first 18 months there.
The same year we found a flat in Dartmouth and spent an enjoyable couple of years doing it up, before we bought, in 2008, a house in which we had stayed as a holiday let. I remembered the house being built in 1987 and thinking how lovely it would be to live in Dartmouth in such a house. We never ever imagined that we would be in a position to buy a house in Dartmouth, especially in a part that we really loved. However, with some luck, a recession, some prudent financial planning and fervent encouragement from our family estate agents (daughter and son-in-law), we managed to raise a mortgage and bought the house. We love being in Dartmouth and our family have had many happy holidays there. Every day that I am there, I am grateful for it and it was certainly Pete’s most happy place too.
In 2007, Deborah and Ewen had a very different wedding from Gill and Tom’s. They married in Dunkeld Cathedral, Scotland, a place with which Debbie had fallen in love when at St Andrews; Ewen loved it too. Ewen’s friend Andy, who was Best Man, arranged pre-wedding accommodation for Ewen and himself at his father‘s house, which by a complete coincidence was a few miles up the road! We had a very happy day.
I must say that we were pleased to get the two weddings over with, enjoyable though they were! By this time we were both having a fairly steady period at work and were enjoying our holidays. The girls, having left university and now establishing themselves in their new careers, took some of the pressure off. This was a happy time in our lives with the arrival of Kitty in 2008 and Henry in 2010.
In 2010, I decided not to reapply for my post when there was yet another reorganisation. I was threatened that I could just be offered anything in Kent, but I braved it out over six months and was eventually given statutory redundancy at the end of October. I was not wholly well even then, with my pancreatic cyst, and I wanted to wind down a bit, although I did continue working part-time for the university as an assessor on the post-grad course.
It was when I was looking after Kitty, while Gill and Tom were waiting for Henry’s arrival, that Pete rang me to say there was to be another big reorganisation at Glaxo Smithkline and they were seeking voluntary redundancies. He didn’t hesitate and fortunately it was granted. He officially finished work on his 60th birthday, three months after me.
We were both delighted, but it took some time for the pair of us to adjust after a lifetime of working. I still continued as part-time associate lecturer for Christ Church Canterbury and I started doing Ofsted inspections in 2013, just around the time when Toby, Gill and Tom‘s bonus baby, arrived. I was present at his birth in the hospital in Orpington, but I only just made it!
I finally finished work in 2016. I don’t regret taking the Ofsted role, but it was very stressful for all concerned if one was to do a fair and thorough inspection. Ofsted is always a stressful process and people are resentful. Peter did not want me to tell anyone that I was doing it and he told me the rather crude terminology which his brother used to describe such inspectors! His daughter is a teacher but I don’t think she had a bad inspection.
Whatever one thinks of the inspections, I feel that they are necessary, particularly in the early years, where, in disadvantaged areas, parents do not have access to a wide choice of childminders or nurseries, as they often have to be within walking distance. Issues such as drug taking, child abuse, etc, have been more widely covered in recent years, and so I think that perhaps people now realise the need for these checks and balances, more than they did when I was inspecting.
Holidays were still a big source of enjoyment for us, but I won’t list all our holidays here. We decided to invest in the Holiday Property Bond (HPB), in 2003, so that we could enjoy good holidays when we retired. We both agreed that it was one of the best things we ever did and the family have enjoyed several holidays too, both independently and with us as a large group.
On a whim one year, Peter went on a bakery course in the Isles of Scilly and was hooked by them. He did one more trial bake after he got home, but that was it! For our 40th wedding anniversary, we made Pete’s long awaited second trip there. He wanted to do this regularly, so started to look into timeshares, but I was less keen to go every year. However, when we saw a good deal several years later, I was the one that said “let’s go for it as life is short”. I then persuaded him to go for a longer term, as he loved the Isles of Scilly so much. We joked that he that he would be 92 by the time it came to an end, but we thought that the family would make use of it.
We went to Croatia twice, which we loved. Again, I booked and then Pete decided to come with me, having not been keen initially. He enjoyed it so much that he booked a cruise round the Dalmatian islands for our 45th wedding anniversary!
I went alone on a special holiday to visit my friend Trish and her husband Neil, who had taken a post as the principal of an international school in Singapore. It was a wonderful and different holiday. Trish had organised a three day trip to Bali which was absolutely fabulous, even though I was ill for the whole of the second day! I will always be grateful to them for their hospitality.
In 2017 a long awaited baby, Calliope, arrived for Debbie and Ewen. Debbie had a difficult pregnancy and I spent quite a lot of time with her in the hospital before the birth and afterwards when she was quite ill. Pete and I spent several days travelling between home and the hospital. It was an anxious time but fortunately all was well.
Sadly, our plans for the timeshare on Scilly were not to be as we only went twice, once on our own and again with Debbie and two-year-old Callie, before Pete was diagnosed with a brain tumour. The couple of years following Callie’s birth had been normal and enjoyable but then things started to go awry. Peter developed some niggly health problems and I noticed that his behaviour was not normal. I did find this quite stressful and didn’t know how to deal with it. I thought he was starting with dementia.
In August 2019 we were in Devon, but he intended going back to Kent for the weekend as he had appointments and other things to do. He was planning to cut the high hedges. The deal was that he would do that while I would stay in Devon and do a deep clean. Unfortunately we had an argument: he was very critical of the way I hung up the washing and said that I never took instructions from him. In hindsight he may have had a point, but after 11pm I was tired and did not want to change the way I had always done things!
Once in Kent, Pete set to work. During the day, all was normal but, during our evening telephone call, he sounded very confused. I was worried but I put it down to tiredness from the hedge cutting. However, I rang early the next morning and it was clear that something was very wrong. He was asking me very odd questions, such as, where was the dining room? He said to me that he thought things were not right and that he must have had too much to drink the night before. He was partial to a glass of wine or two, but I knew that since he was so tired the night before he was very unlikely to have stayed up drinking wine. Although I was in Devon I decided to call an ambulance, and Debbie and Ewen went to Birling to be with him. At first he was diagnosed with a slight stroke and we thought that we had got off lightly. His language was beginning to come back and both daughters were testing him by asking questions about current affairs, when I arrived after a long drive from Devon. However, a couple of days later, he was diagnosed with a brain tumour and our lives changed suddenly and forever, as is often the case. Thereafter ensued biopsies at Kings, but the tumour was declared inoperable. Treatment for brain cancer has not developed much over the last 40 years.
It is a gross understatement to say that this was a difficult period. At first things were fairly normal and steroids helped, but then, as his health deteriorated, we went into lockdown. That certainly didn’t help, as we were unable to access any support and I had to cope with bizarre behaviour on my own. He didn’t really understand the lockdown, it didn’t make sense and he thought that I was keeping him indoors because he was ill. However, when he had good days, we did have some very happy times and were very close.
I have blocked out a lot of this period so I won’t dwell on it here. Pete was admitted to the local hospice, but visiting was not allowed because of Covid, so I was very relieved to be able to get him home after 10 days and keep him at home, where both the girls and I could see him and be with him at the end.
On the very day that Pete died, Debbie found out that she was expecting Lyra, the second little IVF miracle. She was able to tell her Dad and we were told that hearing is the last thing to go. It seemed to be an incredible coincidence, but I was very apprehensive about another turbulent pregnancy to follow this difficult and sad period. My fears were not unfounded as there were difficulties, but thankfully feisty little Lyra arrived in May 2021.
Less than two days after Pete died in October 2020 our cat was killed on the road. I had said to Pete “No more husbands and no more cats - too much trouble” to which he replied “You will always have cats!” I managed for four months, but as we were so restricted, no visitors and extremely limited socialising outdoors, I felt the emptiness of the house probably more than I would have done had things been normal. I decided that I could and would give a cat a good home and I ended up with two from Romania. I first saw Effie and Mika online on what would have been Pete’s 70th birthday. They are very special, very affectionate and they have enhanced my life hugely.
I did have three years between the end of lockdown and becoming ill, but there were still restrictions and I was adjusting to a life on my own after caring for Peter. I sorted a lot in the house in Dartmouth, as I had promised Pete that I would, but I felt that I did not do enough to clear my possessions. I did some, but I have to admit that I acquired more, seeking solace in bargains! I guess it was a relatively harmless pastime, made easier with shopping online, on Amazon particularly! I found it enjoyable and “down-time”.
After Pete died, I found it hard to concentrate on reading or watching the television. Even after five years, I still find it somewhat difficult, but I take pleasure in listening to audio books, particularly when driving to Devon which I enjoy.
I took the family twice to the Isles of Scilly so they could experience them too. I knew that was Pete’s wish, as he kept saying that he wanted the grandchildren to enjoy the islands. They are very expensive to visit, but very special and whenever we have been, there have been several celebrities visiting at the same time. A favourite place, with happy memories!
I went on solo holidays sometimes, which were always interesting experiences. I decided to go on a river cruise down the Rhine to celebrate my 70th birthday and what would have been our 50th wedding anniversary. Good excuses for a celebration! I enjoyed the different experience and I danced a lot in the evenings!
HPB was brilliant for solo holidays, because it offered a familiar pattern and always other people with whom to chat or eat if I wanted company. When he was dying, Pete said to me that he knew I would continue to enjoy my holidays with HPB. Unfortunately, these had to stop once I became ill.
Just before that happened, I became very fond of one of the HPB sites in Turkey. Pete and I had gone there in August, when I was restricted to school holidays, and were not that enamoured with it. However, I have returned a few times quite recently with the HPB solos group and also with the family. We have had very enjoyable experiences in October, with its cooler weather and a less crowded village. I would love to go back again if I could have one more holiday, but sadly I have had to cancel all my holidays over the last two years. Being on an extremely restricted diet and now taking only liquids, means that it is difficult to socialise. Holidays would be extremely difficult now, but I have many happy memories on which to draw thankfully. I am pleased that I did make time for holidays and pleasurable things before I began to face serious health challenges.
I have always enjoyed driving, more than most people I think. Since I was 17, I have regularly done long distances across country and north-to-south on my own. It has never been a problem. Clearly some journeys are much more taxing and tiring than others, but once completed, they are soon forgotten. To avoid being complacent and to try to be safe, I have done a fair number of online voluntary courses for interest and to improve my skills. Most people don’t! I also did most of the advanced course, but Peter’s diagnosis prevented me from continuing and taking the test, as I couldn’t leave him easily.
For some years people have been questioning me about the distances I drive, which I have found both perplexing and frustrating. It seems to me that they would not want to do it themselves, so they’re pushing their agenda onto me. Something to do with being female me thinks? Men seem to be rarely questioned and statistics show that they carry on driving much longer than women. I have recently been declared mentally alert to continue driving, so I do not really understand what it is to do with anybody else. My daughters will tell me if they have concerns.
At the time of writing, as I am ill, I realise that I will have to give up long distance driving soon. I will be very sad as it means giving up my independence and a very pleasurable part of my life. However, that is for me, my daughters and the medics. I would never dream of questioning people’s ability to drive or make their own decisions, so I do not really understand why people I barely know raise it so easily with me, particularly as most have never seen me driving a car! Please be careful about giving unsolicited advice.
I experienced the same attitudes when the children were young and I wanted to return to work and when I wanted to take the children on holiday on my own. People would rudely comment about the adverse effects it would have on them and tell me that it was not a good idea. This is interfering and undermining, but delivered under the guise of “caring”. I must be very approachable and forgiving for people to offer their opinions so freely, but not now that I am on steroids!
Stopping driving will be my next big challenge. It will be more difficult logistically to continue the life that I love. I hate being so dependent on others and having to ask for things, both big and small. I will have to spend more time on my own too.
I started these memoirs over a year ago, but now I feel that I need to finish them in rather a hurry, so this is my submission! I am thankful to my long term friends and family for the love and support they have given me over the years. I have appreciated some challenges too! I hadn’t really anticipated that both Pete and I would come to the end of our lives so relatively early. However, I am very grateful that these illnesses did not start when we were younger and when we both had jobs, a mortgage and family responsibilities. That would have been much worse. I was very taken by the poem "Normal Day” which I came across in 2000 when I was unwell. Kitty wrote it out for me in her best calligraphy after Pete’s funeral and its sentiments are very true. I have also read a variation on this poem called “Golden Days”; it is not a gratitude list but rather about remembering particular highlights from your life. Writing my story has evoked some wonderful memories, days out when young and when the children were small, holidays, happy days with good news and unexpected delights.
So, do make the most of things, remember your “golden days” and enjoy your “normal days!"
The End
© 2026 A L Blundred